What are you waiting for?

by lisha epperson

blogpostme2013

me today! short hair makes me feel like a super hero!

Each year that I journeyed on my faith walk with infertility I remember New Years Day. I would leave the previous year behind and enter the new with a sigh ” I didn’t get pregnant last year.  I wonder if this will be the year? ” I wish I could say that this sigh was filled with hope and great faith but often it was not.  I often sighed in sadness. Frustrated that another year had passed with my dream of biological motherhood yet to be fulfilled.  But even in my sadness there was always a glimmer of hope “maybe this will be the year!”  When you want desperately to be a mama and find the title eludes you, each year that goes by makes it harder to believe it will ever happen.  At 35 you are told that your eggs are too old and that you are selfishly putting a child at risk by even attempting a pregnancy.  The warnings and forebodings were daunting but I knew there was a mother in me so to maintain my sanity I put my tiny little faith card in my back pocket and kept moving.    By the age of 42, after yet another miscarriage, my chances at a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby were just about zip in the natural.  We had adopted our sweet fire bird Chailah earlier that year and her arrival brought the most beautiful and clarifying peace to my life.  I was no longer searching for a pregnancy every month. I was no longer feeling sorrow about my story or the path the Lord had placed me on. I began to feel blessed and realized that my life was unfolding according to His plan. Even if it didn’t look exactly the way I had dreamed it would.  I loved my beautiful babies to bits and decided to put infertility behind me with a life altering and transformative hair cut.

I had grown my locks for 12 years.  I loved them but felt that a brand new me was in store.  Cutting my hair would allow me to let go of the tears I had shed over my maybe babies.  Twelve years of trying to have a baby were tied and tangled up in the twists and turns of my locks and I needed to let it go.  I was inspired by 3 women in my life that had all shed their hair and I was ready to join them.   This most creative and expressive hairstyle was just that for me.  A hairstyle that celebrated my natural hair.  I had worn my hair naturally since my early twenties for the little girls in my life that I believe need to see women wear and enjoy their natural hair.   So I prayed about this transition before making my final decision.  On the day of my big chop I walked down Fulton Street with the greatest sense of impending freedom. The Lord had released me to move forward and  I could hardly wait to get home.  At midnight. when my home was free of the laughter of children and filled with the soundness of sleep I went into the bathroom with a pair of scissors and began.  There was no fear.  No second thoughts.  No worries.  Only me,  moving under divine inspiration….getting ready for the next chapter of my life.

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last pix with the hair!

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just after big chop- july 2009! absolutely giddy!

Great changes took place in me from that day forth.  I learned how to speak in faith.  I learned how to believe.  Whole-heartedly with no wavering.  What was I believing? I learned to believe in His goodness and that His goodness applied to me.   All this and the thought of “getting pregnant” never crossed my mind.  2010 was my year but it took so many “New Year sighs”  to get there.{ I don’t count the years I brought each of my lovelies home – those were my oasis’ in the midst of a dry season. I am so grateful for the times of joy and rest He gave me along the way}  So…14 years of growth, acceptance, tears, joy and change before I was ready to walk through the first chapter of the  book of Luke.  And what a journey its been.  During that time I opened my heart and the Lord fulfilled  my desire for motherhood by allowing me to spiritually birth children not born from my body.  One. Two. Three miracles in the center of my struggles. What undeniable grace! I realize now that I was always being prepared for the life that I now live.  Each step I took on the journey was a set up for my lifes’ ministry.

Since my first cut over 3 years ago I grew my hair out and wore an afro again but soon tired of the daily maintenance.  I think I am hooked on feeling like a super hero and may never grow it out again.  We’ll see.

I tell this story to point out how finally, truly putting my desire on the altar opened the flood gates of Heaven and set me up to receive another miracle. “This may be your year!” To do something different, take a leap of faith or finally find rest by letting go.  Be encouraged and expect good things to follow as the result of the steps of faith you take!

So what are you waiting for?

Believe God and stand on His word.  Your life is His gift to you.  If you are seeking and hearing from Him with obedience, know that everything Will work out.  Period.

Spence Chapin and other adoption agencies hold monthly meetings for prospective adoptive parents . Visit their website at spence-chapin.org  for a listing of information meetings and seminars pertaining to just about anything you may want to know about adoption.

Pray about visiting a reproductive endocrinologist or other fertility specialist.

Feel free to reach out to me – I would count it a privilege to assist anyone with dreams of becoming a parent.

Luke 1:45 – and blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.

copyright revision in process

happynewyear2013

My loves! Blessed New Year to All!

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