Authentication in process..

by lisha epperson

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dance ministry
Sweden Fall 2000.

I’ve been challenged lately. Blogging about my journey through infertility has brought up lots of issues. Mostly thoughts on parenting after struggling to conceive, openness in adoption and how to keep a relationship  intact through the crazy, complex and intricately choreographed dance of infertility. Yet there’s more – a  layer of old, dead and dry skin is being spiritually shed and  I am having another one of those core shaking, life defining moments.  A month ago, when I opened my Twitter account, what I wanted to do was encourage others on their personal journeys..to help others get through infertility with a hopeful perspective.  I felt the Lords leading and continued with a Facebook page but was still not quite clear on how to project my voice in the world of social media. I have always been a dancer and God used my gifting in that area in ministry- so I always knew how to translate His word through movement but using my voice, my words..presented a  challenge.  My intention was/ is not to preach the gospel or profess to be a fertility guru possessing a particular path to pregnancy. I simply desire to uplift… to cry, laugh and rejoice with you as you make progress and find peace by creating your own definition of success.

But something happened.  In sharing my story I am consistently pointed back to the true foundation of my travels and that is this – Jesus.  This Jesus who died on the cross, rose again, the one who loves the unlovely, heals the broken and broken-hearted –  Him, the opener and closer of wombs (that’s a hard one, I know). This Jesus can be found at the center of it all. He radically rips and runs through every page of my story – so much so  that I can’t tell it – this story – without giving Him credit for it all.  In between tweeting, blogging and working on content for my face book page I find myself being pushed to go deeper in Him.  The work became more about Him and less about a book I hoped to release someday, more about you and less about a platform. Truly, nothing I can say would mean anything if I couldn’t also point my readers in the direction of the One who keeps His finger on me.

I am a modern woman with a culturally diverse lifestyle.  I love all things lovely, specifically as relates to literature, fashion, dance, art, music, history and nature. I celebrate the diaspora and am proud of my place in it.  I love headwraps and tunics, holistic nutrition and pilates.  I work hard to cultivate a lifestyle that celebrates all of this but at the core, the center…I am a girl with a heart for God and I can’t hide that in hopes of attracting and keeping more followers or being politically correct.  I found myself censoring and editing tweets and posts to make sure I hadn’t offended anyone. Authenticity is powerful and quite honestly I was convicted of coming up short.  This post is my very public repentance.   I spent my early twenties searching the I Ching, listening to fortune tellers and seeking enlightenment but when I first encountered Jesus my heart, mind, will and emotions came into alignment for the very first time.  I wrestled with God on many things over the years but have been seasoned in the development of a faith that is far from blind.  I’ve been taught to use and seek wisdom in all things.  My eyes have been,and remain – opened –  to His unfailing love and I am operating from a position of trust.  Trust because He has proven Himself. Over and over and over again.

The cry of my heart is  that something in what I have written will soften your heart, tug that place in you that is His and His alone –  encouraging you to believe and trust Him for yourself. Let Him love you through your season of infertility, holding fast to the promise of children and family as His plan. Set your heart to hope and allow Him to lead and guide you.

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