deeper

by lisha epperson

Humbled. Not sure how to proceed but I know I want more. I am often caught off guard by my desire. It wells up in me unexpectedly and in those moments I know the beauty of His presence is all I want, all I need and I have to go deeper.  The intensity of my longing tells me it won’t come easy – this next level.  I want more…and I…will have to give more.

I want to know You

I want to hear Your voice

I want to feel You

More than before

The Lord woke me up at 5 a.m. this morning. This… significant only because I’d been praying about having more time with Him. Talking about how I wanted more time with Him. Wondering how I would find the time to have time. With Him. And He woke me up. Suddenly alert, I imagined myself at our meeting place. The slightly opened terrace doorway always letting in just enough sweet air to baptize me in His spirit. I know He’s there. But I walk into the kitchen instead – fully aware yet unresponsive to His call. This was His doing and I missed it.  My mind firing questions like some sort of mental bubble wrap. Pop! Pop! Pop! I find myself looking for other things to do. Should I eat? Check email? Write? Exercise? What? The thought of picking up my bible and sitting before Him – last on this list of crazy what-to-do’s. Drained and struggling with the effort required to walk back down the hall, I crawl into bed and sleep comes quick. I ignored His call and now wonder, just what I so foolishly missed.

Sometimes, in all my wonderful and thoughtfully prayed for “mommyness” – I miss it. He calls and I’m too busy. I’m wondering if it’s the same for you? Are you longing for more? How do you find the time to have the time…to go deeper..in Him?

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